miss u like crazy

woah! lama sangat tak check blogspot, sampai tak sedar yang blogspot dah berubah !

Lot's of things happened this few months. Lil sis broken engagement. Although, it wasn't expected. I'm glad it happen sooner than latter. Lil sis deserve someone who will treat her like a queen without any hesitation. Someone who is a men not a boy. InsyaAllah, that someone is just round the corner.

Lil bro is in college now. Doing dip in IT. I do hope he will be an excellent student !!. I do hope college life will prepare him mentally, physically and emotional to face this cruel world !

Lil sis and lil sis are busy with school. One will be sitting for her SPM this year while the other one just enter the  'high school' life. I hope i can always be there for them. 

and for me, i enrolled myself for dip in Learning Disorder Management and Child Psychology early April. So far, its been good. 

Coincidentally, a class mate of mine told me about a learning disability centre which is super near to my house. Without thinking much, i send my cv and 2 weeks later i was offer a job.

Initially, I applied for the position of teacher (full time) but due to not enough student ( the centre is brand new ; 3 4 months baru buka) so the owner gave the position of assistant teacher ( part time) instead. 

Hey, its ok with me. I see a future in this centre. As the centre grow, i will too !

i guess, that all...

oh..love life? lifeless as a rock ! 

over the rainbow

2012 started with a bang !! Confusion and uncertainty are the theme of the month. But I don't want to dwell on that. I want to talk about Maggie Kari.

Meet Maggie Kari in 2006. Happy go lucky is what he is . We become friend thanks to a friend. A wonderful friendship happened! No stress and a happy go lucky friendship.

2008 was not my year. Lost a bestfriend, broken hearted, lost my passion in studying. Basically, the idea of jumping of Bangor pier was always in my mind

But, there is a saying that goes; after every rain, there will be a rainbow. Maggie Kari was my rainbow. He was there during my darkest hour. During my struggle with my late parents. He was always there.

Until June 2010, i found that all this while , he's with a girl. A girl he knew for more than 5 years. Surprisingly, because of his honesty, i got more attracted to him.

Even know, I still feel a strong attraction towards him. After all the lies and deception, i am strongly very strongly attracted. I know this is an unhealthy obsession.

We plan to meet up this Febuary. Deep down i know he will ditch me. But i am still excited. How could i be such a fool when it comes to him.

How do i let him go?

Om Shanti Om

Mereka kata hidup ini seperti roda, atas masa kita di atas dan ada masa kita di bawah. Aku tahu masa untuk aku naik pasti tiba, tapi bagaimana aku mahu naik, mengecapi awam itu jika aku tidak mendaki dari sekarang? Sekarang, aku masih statik di bawah. Tidak bergerak ke hadapan, mahu pun ke belakang apatah lagi bergerak ke atas!

Aku selalu mengingatkan diri ini bahawa setiap kejadian itu dijadikan bersebab dan selalu nya sebab itu akan menjadi satu perkara yang sangat memuaskan jiwa dan raga. Tapi, sebagai seorang hamba yang lemah, sentiasa dipengaruhi oleh rasa cemburu, rasa marah dan rasa tidak puas hati, perkara yang selalu menjadi pegangan dengan mudah saja dilepaskan.

Hari ini, benda yang sama terjadi. Melihat kehidupan seorang rakan, kehidupan yang sangat aku impikan. Tidak terjadi pada aku tapi terjadi pada dia, membuatkan segala perasaan marah dan cemburu meluwap luwap keluar dari hati. Cuba aku ingatkan diri ini bahawa segala yang berlaku ada sebab nya, tapi kerana terlalu lama aku menyebab perasaan ini, Hati menjadi degil. Segala kata yang logic dan reasonal yang dikatakan oleh minda, semua ditepis.

Hati berkata, bila semua ini akan berakhir? Bila kehidupan Aku akan bermula? Kenapa terlalu berat tanggungjawab aku? Mampu kah aku sabar dan tenang meredah lautan ini? Mampu kah aku menerima hakikat yang mungkin apa yang aku impikan, apa yang aku dambakan, apa yang aku inginkan bukan lah untuk aku sebenar nya.

Bila kah hati ini akan terima bahawa apa yang kita inginkan selalu nya bukan kita perlukan?